Complications of Love

(or lack thereof…?)

relationship relationship relationship. let’s start off by saying they are the most complicated concept to ever grace the life of one human being. okay. so while that was a bit exaggerated, it’s true to some point.

if you’re one of those people who thinks it’s as easy as “i love you, you love me, all is well and we’ll be together forever” you’re probably: 1) still in high school 2) never been in a relationship 3) still in the honeymoon period of you first relationship 4) insanely naive/optimistic 5) have found your perfect other (if that’s the case, i hate you. i’m jealous)

what i want to talk about today isn’t the relationship that works, but those that failed. break-ups, true to common sense, are never as easy or as simple as they may look. it’s even harder when the break-up happens on a seemingly perfect relationship.

i personally experienced this type of break up a couple years ago. the guy repeatedly told me i was probably the best girlfriend he’s ever had, the most caring and that nothing was wrong… as he was breaking up with me. yeah, true story, and the classic example of “it’s not you, it’s me”. for awhile i couldn’t understand what or why it happened when everything seems to be “fine” by the book. it wasn’t until awhile later that i begin to accept that just because nothing was wrong, it doesn’t mean that the relationship is guaranteed to last.

what may have really happened is inexplicable, but i could offer “theories” based on what I’ve observed from other’s and my own experience

case 1: over time, people fall out of love just as easily as they fall in love. when love cease to exist in a relationship, that is when we start getting unhappy and subconsciously looking for a way out. that leads us to actually *look* for something wrong in the relationship, which in turn leads to multiple break-ups and ‘getting back together’s before one of you makes it final. when this happens, you can’t really blame anyone. or you could out of bitterness and anger blame the other person, but ultimately love isn’t something that you can or should force on other people. when you love someone, they aren’t required to love you back no matter how much you love them or how much you’ve done for them. love is supposed to be selfless anyways.

or, case 2: it wasn’t the perfect relationship to begin with. such is the case with my experience. it wasn’t until later that i began to realize that the relationship that seems so perfect at that time, wasn’t exactly as flawless as i remember it to be. for one, i was constantly insecure, jealous and unwilling to communicate (flaws that still exist till this day! i guess i never learn. T_T). totally signs that should have raised the red flags. and the guy? he wasn’t exactly perfect either but i won’t go into that. i wasn’t aware of any of this because i couldn’t see things clearly when i was supposedly “in love”. it was then that i realized i was better off without him (all bitterness aside), and when i truly understood that things really do happen for a reason.

there are many other possible attempts of explanation what may have happened… such as lack of compromise, unfaithfulness, bad communication, etc. those of which i don’t have the knowledge or experience to write about. but i do know that when things like this happens, you really shouldn’t dwell on it for too long. it wasn’t your fault that you’re not compatible with the person you want to be with, and more often than not in due time you’ll find someone better anyways. in the end, that’s what matters the most, right?

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